Hostels for the children

April 2014

Eashwaramma is laid down with body pains after the chikunguniya attack. With her poor health, it has affected her badly. She is again asking me to find a good hostel for her two grandchildren. She asks how the children can stay dependent on her. We had tried hard for the children, after the trauma of murder of father, and abandonment by mother, to stay on with the grandmother, so that they have the security and love of a family and community. We assured Eashwaramma that all expenses would be taken care of.
 
But now the boy is ten. A fine boy, but running wild as the grandmother cannot control him. He can end up in bad ways in a couple of years if he does not have proper direction and discipline.

We worked on possibilities with a friend in Tirupathi to find a school. We decided we would pay the fees, or try to get some friend to underwrite it. 

Eashwaramma came with the children, tense with what the future held for the children, and yet leaving the matter on us in faith. The children were neat, Sasi wearing his newest shirt, and Kavya in her shiny pavadai, and hair neatly plaited and doubled. We asked Annapurna to come with them. We were in Tirupathi earlier. Our friend took us to a regular school she knew, but the children failed the Maths tests. The school may have still agreed to take them in, but I was worried about the happy children getting labelled dunces forever. We backed out.

Then our friend put us in touch with the SOS village in Tirupathi. It was a five star space. The very washbasins were five star quality. It was as far removed from the realities the children live in as possible.  But there was also a clause. They wanted the children to break away from their own families, as otherwise they said the children would never fit in. They were right. The children from villages are used to freedom, and would never trade that for a golden cage. So they were allowed to go home only for 10 days a year. 

We thought long and hard over this. But did not feel willing to make the choice of distancing Sasi from his grandmother, his village and his roots. Forever. We dropped that option.

Then we wondered about looking for upper class schools. And if there was an upper class school which may be ready to take the children, how will the poor dalit children fit in ? To anticipate how children who have had everything against them - dalit background, utter poverty, death of one parent, abandonment by another, poor schooling, undernourishment - will adapt to a set of children far better off is very very difficult.

So it was back to the village, and the Kothapeta school. We looked for a tution teacher for him. And Varalu was commissioned to sit with him every evening for a salary.

To deal with the problems of the disadvantaged is to place oneself in an unenviable position of making options where none really seem to exist. To try to help the poor is  fighting with hands tied behind one's back, blindfolded. And fighting battles after the war has been lost.

... after that, in future years, I have many times revisited this time, and wondered if I should have decided differently. And yet, understood, that the realities are completely unpredictable given the many imponderables. 

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Came to Tirupathi to look for school options for Eashwaramma's grandchildren, Sasi and Kavya. Went to a couple of places. To anticipate how children who have had everything against them - dalit backgroud, utter poverty, death of one parent, abandonment by another, poor studies, undernourishment -will adapt to a set of children rather better off is very very difficult.

To deal with the problems of the disadvantaged is to place oneself in an unenviable position of making options where none really seem to exist ... It is a big weight.

but the despair one feels is dispelled by the positivity of the poor, their going on in cheer and hope and faith and goodness.

Aparna Krishnan

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"One hope is too like despair for prudence to smother ... " ...

Went to a school about which we found out about after much help from local friends. The principal was a simple, kindly gentleman. He agreed to meet Kavya and Sasi today and see if they may fit, and what could be best for them. Eashwaramma rushed down from Palagauttapalle (Dalitwada) with them, hobbling on feet arthritic from her recent chikunguniya attack. From village to bus stop was a three km walk, and then a two hour bus ride to Tirupathi.

The principal took a look, chatted with the kids, asked a few sums, and honestly said that a government school wouyld be best for them. That they cannot adapt into a 'better' school at this stage. Eashwaramma and the kids are used to failures ... and politely thanked him and set back. I was grateful to him for his honesty and because he did not just enroll them to get more fees.

We will look again ...

... but background and birth are very hard to fight against ...One does not give up only because one cannot give up ...

...

We did rounds of many orphanages. I even found SOS which had a five star comfort. But my heart rebelled at distanceing the children from their village and grandmother and community. I allowed my heart to take the call, not at all sure, and told the grandmother that her expenses of bringing up the children we would somehow keep up, and that she should bring them up.

She was overjoyed at having her granchildren with her. The children have had a grandmother's love and moral nurtureing. And mentoring and care from Varalu and Lakshmamma and others. We have given her an account in the shop for all expenses from food, to medical to clothes. It does cost money, but the god has kept it possible acting through many friends. After all every lost child is our child, and our responsibility.

Children, even orphans, deserve their larger family and community and love. An orphanage is a symbol of a destroyed societal fabric.