Wednesday, 3 March 2021

Sexual Harrasment ... we face all the time everywhere.

 


Yesterday in the bus, one girl standing next to me kept squirming. And then finally told the young man behind her to stand a little away. I knew exactly what was happening. I shouted at that man, but he would not budge. I asked him if he was not ashamed of himself. He wasn't. Apart from the young girl and me the rest stayed silent. It did not concern them.
This has been a recurring theme since my college days. Nothing has changed.
I want to ask all the men on my list here. How many times have you raised your voices. And your fists. In such situations. To take responsibility for the behaviour of members of your gender.
I have a question to ask the women too. A similar question, about their silences. In a seperate post.
Komakkambedu Himakiran, Kriti Bhardwaj and 52 others
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  • Venu Gopal
    I was going to write something like this. Couple of days back, in a bus, going to my hometown. The jeans wearing, drunk looking guy kept moving closer to the woman. She kept squirming and looking hard at him. Didn't make a noise though. She was an agricultural laborer, by the looks of her. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and told the guy to move. Surprisingly, he moved without a sound, and a couple of other men joined me in telling him off. The lady also moved off hurriedly, and quietly. The incident has stayed with me for quite some time now.
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    • Venu Gopal
      I must also mention it took me quite sometime to decide to say something. For some time, I waited for the lady to say something, then I thought of the scene it would create if the guy decides to pick a fight. I reacted only when I couldn't stand it any longer. Also, I was going to my home town and could deal with fights there. In any other place, it would have been that much more difficult decision to make.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      To us it's routine. A sickening routine experience. Delhi s always been terrible. The South is getting there
      The indifference of the watching men (and women) baffles.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Mumba I have heard us different.
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  • RJ Sudha
    This is shocking and sickening. In the US, If the person has no prior indecent exposure convictions on record, the offence will be charged as a misdemeanour. If convicted, he could be sentenced to a maximum of six months in county jail and a maximum fine of $1,000.Isn't there a rule in India for this?
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    • Venkat Krishnan N
      The rules exist. Someone has to file a complaint. The community has to support the complainant rather than the accused. We need a lot more collective work on this.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Venkat Krishnan N
       The failure of the community is the issue. It was so 40 years ago. It is so today. A pathological indifference.
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  • Rajeshwari Ganesan
    Everyone present must raise their voices
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  • Srilakshmi Ps
    Agree....this hasn't changed. I have come across such incidents since my college days.
    Now when I look back, I feel the only option is to make girls aware of such happenings and tell them to be bold and if possible make it public then and there so that he would not dare to do it again .
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  • Ammit Robinson
    Shame on us men.
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  • Kavitha Nistala Gollapudi
    A similar incident happened with a friend of mine- she slapped the guy in public!
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      I did when I was in school, and the man came to hit me back. Unless the public response is there, we are at a losing end.
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    • Kavitha Nistala Gollapudi
      More to do with being stronger , learn self defence. Carrying chilli powder handy, scissors, nail cutters handy . Awareness needs to be created that you are not weak but strong to retaliate.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      My question is to the men. For their inaction.
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    • Kavitha Nistala Gollapudi
      Aparna Krishnan
       Garu the minute you question blame game starts with reasons and long explanation. 😞
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  • Sivapriya Krishnan
    I have faced all this. But i have slapped men and pushed them out of trains in Bombay.
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  • Veena Maruthoor
    Ask girls to keep a safety pin. Or for That reason some really hard chapels and the men's little toe. They will run for life ... That was my technique when I was young. Also probably would be nice to start open discussion especially among girls. So that there is no shock but only quick action in such situations.
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  • Komakkambedu Himakiran
    I’ve done it every single time. My appearance helps in intimidating people!
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Do a poll Hima ! Asking how many men have raised their fists on their own gender ?
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    • Komakkambedu Himakiran
      Hmm...will men accept that they didn’t?
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Let's see. Most may just ignore the poll. That is also information.
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  • Chitra Sharan
    Elbows, feet and a loud voice to my aid always - be it when I am the target or anyother
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  • Prakhar Prakash
    I have to say that in this regard, girls here feel a lot safer than in India. My sister is always concerned about her daughter in Varanasi.
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  • Sujatha Rajendran
    Oh yes. It brings back the memories . As a young girl hardly sixteen I had shouted back saying , are you not born with a sister or mother, and further I was bold enough to get him out of the bus. My friends were worried if I am going to get into trouble. But none. I strongly believe, if you are bold at heart nothing is impossible. A safety pin too has helped me sleep in peace while travelling in a train, these were the only two Incidents . India is indeed a wonderful place too. Taking bath in a river will teach us the highest virtue men and women follow in villages. Many have exhibited and have behaved like true gentlemen. Few are exceptions alround the world.
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  • Kongara Gangadhara Rao
    A stern look from me and the rogue moves away unless he is too hardcore.
    I believe any sensible man should do that.
    Woman in this case would usually like to avoid the scene, afraid of the consequences.
    Sick of hearing these things again and again.
    Things would only change when girls pick up more courage.
    Society has to be pushed, if we expect it to change.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      The woman raises her voice if the bystanders stand with her. The men need to beat up the offender. They don't.
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    • Kongara Gangadhara Rao
      Change is necessary as a whole.
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    • Mark Johnston
      I have often raised my voice to challenge unacceptable behaviour or even suffered harm by putting myself between a perpetrator and victim but I have never raised my fists to anyone - it is not in my nature.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      I meant respond. Proactively. Most men I have seen, in buses and public spaces are deaf and dumb. All men i would say, except some rare exceptions. Would that be the reality across cultures and countries ?
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    • Mark Johnston
      There are minor differences between cultures and countries but choosing to turn a blind eye when we shouldn't is too common everywhere.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      And probably has been so down the ages.
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  • Pankajalakshmi Ram
    Our apartment near the railway tracks, the guys cross the tracks and start flashing. It's a regular occurrence. We tried putting mullu chedi, glass pieces and all where they come and stand. It works for 3 months and then they start again.
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  • Kriti Bhardwaj
    It is good advice to learn how to roar, yell, hit back etc. As a matter of fact most women and girls do have a sharp Swiss knife, scissors, pins, nails, sharp keys etc to be used as weapons in self defense.
    However, what boggles my mind is that an entire gender has to equip themselves with weapons simply to walk on street in broad daylight, because "just in case, you never know, men are men". It means that it is something that is happening everywhere, right? Then why do we not ask our children to stand up when they see something -subtle or gross- happening anywhere? It's not just about buses and streets. Why do we not ask the misogynists at our dining table to shut up with their sexist "jokes" and cultural humour that treats women as second class citizens? Because we think it is not worth the trouble. We think nothing is "personal matter" unless it happens to us.
    We never ever ask our sons not to molest when they step out. We somehow assume that the culprit won't be from our homes. If you do that, you see how irritating it is for men to hear that everytime-Do not rape, do not molest. It is equally irritating and intimidating for women to hear that also-Do not get raped, do not get molested.
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  • Seshagiri BV
    "If you don't ask , you don't get".
    I raise my voice each and every time , I come across any unruly behaviour , act or incident and ensure that the perpetrators is given a good lesson in Public .
    Don't keep quiet , raise your voice against any evil.
    Sensitise the boy's in your home , how to behave with girls and ladies outside the home and train them to treat them and behave the way you behave with your mother and sister , with dignity and respect.
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  • Aparna Krishnan
    All men are answerable for sexual harrassment by members of their gender. Do they take proactive action. How many do . That's the issue.
    In all cases I have personally been involved in, the men stay is spectators.
    Yes, we need to teach our daughters to pulp the offenders up.
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    • Venu Gopal
      I get what you are trying to say through this post. But "all men are answerable for..." strikes a jarring note. I would think everyone of us is answerable, irrespective of the gender.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Yes in general. In specific, when a man uses his physical self to harass, his co-gender members need to rein him in, bash him up. As much as we women need to collectively thrash the hell out of him !
      Here, in sexual harassment, I am sorry to say, there is a Us and Them.
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  • Prakhar Prakash
    In late 60s, my mother and aunt used to come back home from college at around 8 pm in the night, sometimes traveling across the bridge on the river and taking a train. My grandma would give them chilly powder for emergency. Once a bad guy got into the train and as the train started from the station, tried to open the latch of the lady’s compartment. My mother held on to the latch with one hand and lifted my aunt to put all her weight on the chain to pull it. As the train stopped, the man ran and the two sisters chased him , asking people to catch him. He escaped. But she always said that men in those days were more like Romeos who would write a poem for a girl but were not perverted as in current times.
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  • Pankajalakshmi Ram
    Apart from this there are men in the immediate family circle who misbehave with the cousins and nieces. At least these roadside romeos we encounter once in a while. I was scared to attend family functions at one point of time.
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  • Vidya Subramanian
    I have always kept silent or had given only subtle voice in the public, when I was young. And have literally seen men being a silent spectator.
    As I grew, got the courage to shout and people see me as a diff species ( both men & women)
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      That is what we need to take on. This 'indifferance'.
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  • Rama Narayanan
    You can file a case. We have. It was dealt with legally.
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      Yes, and yet at that age they get petrified, and don't react fast enough. The crowd around is less responsive than a rock.
      The perpetrator runs away.
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    • Rama Narayanan
      Aparna Krishnan
       yes. I understand the emotional aspect of it. And the various other nuances of the issue. When I was exposed to this. I simply went home and asked my mom's why she did not tell me this apsect about men. And she said. Yes men can be animals. At that age, that went in deeply too.
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  • Aarti Madhusudan
    A few weeks ago on the bus 1A a man got in at MGR Janaki college with a briefcase that seemed heavy. The bus was crowded and he kept placing the box down . I noticed that every time he bent to pick it up he brushed against a young girl. The first couple of times it seemed like a mistake . On the third attempt I figured he was doing this on purpose and yelled at the guy asking him to get off. I also yelled at the girls who seemed to be too scared or reluctant to raise their voice. The guy got off at adyar muttering obscenities. One of the girls then shared that he is a frequent Traveller on that route. 3 .30- 4 p m of you see a guy on this route 1 A , do watch out. I am of the view that Indian men are the worst on the planet and as parents we probably need to do something really different as our sons are growing up!!
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    • Aparna Krishnan
      We need to physically beat them up. They are cowards.
      Done with thinking the other men will respond. We women need to bash the perversts up, that's all. We need to get our act together collectively.






Today when I see young girls my daughters age deal with men in buses, trains, streets, it is a replay. Nothing has changed.
The same story of how half the population is living on the edge. And the other half watches. In indifference at best. With a perverted interest at worst.
The odd man who stands up against his community, questioning their misbehavior, getting to be an endangered breed.
The women also. Silent. Unwilling or unable to publically stand up to this. The unacceptable is normalised.
Yes, we women live on the edge. At fifteen and at fifty. ln buses, adjusting ones bag behind so that men don't 'accidentally' fall on us. In trains, covering oneself with a sheet as one suddenly realises that there are some peering eyes. In lonely stations, on red alert. Subconsciously ready to bolt.
A pervasive unmentioned insecurity. Dealing with harassment. Anticipating harrassment. As a background note. All the time. Though all our breaking boundaries.
Ramanjaneyulu GV, Vigneshwaran RK and 32 others
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  • Aparna Krishnan
    Do men even understand this ? I wonder.
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  • Anil Kumar
    Commoditisation of women is increasingly getting normalised adding to violence against them and furthering their insecurity each passing day. All laws are hapless spectators. For us men, it might be difficult to fully comprehend the ordeal faced by women. Sadly, 21st century and our new generation have brought in comradeship among girls and boys, but of a different kind, and girls/women's insecurity has not reduced.
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