Friday, 9 May 2014

... until a revolution also takes place within the revolutionary ...

Some article read long ago ...

"In the 40s and 50s when I was in my teens and early twenties, I longed for revolution, and at that time my desire was appeased as a lot of them took place. As soon as I turned on the wireless, I got another helping of insurrection as the announcer informed me that another bastion of power had fallen.

I do not want to make a joke of it because there was a lot of entrenched nastiness about it. There was an awful lot of entrenched nastiness in me too, which I did not care to examine. I couldn't help noticing that my own motives were not pure and shining zeal for the welfare of others. Part of me - the intellectual part - excused the necessary mayhem, but part of me - the instinctive part - enjoyed it. In fact I was titillated by the blood and guts.

Among the socio economic theories I espoused some little crawly things were hidden - my aggressions, my bitterness, and remnents of sado-masochistic erotica from early puberty. I took me much longer to be as honest about myself as about society. In fact I have never succeeded. To be frank about others is no great hardship. It is seductively easy and enjoyable. 

The revolutions I noted down so eagerly succeeded each other too quickly to be convincing. One lot of reformers had acarcely got in when they were replaced by their more revolutionary successors. Unfortunately, the more closely I looked, I couldn't help remarking how little had changed.

Recently I met someone who had had analysis. He had been taken apart he told me triumpantly and put together again. "Man", said a mutual friend, "and its been so well done that you cannot tell the differance."

Well, thats the way it ha been with many of my revolutions. So much has happenned, yet there has been little change. Thats the way I think it must always be, until a revolution also takes place within the revolutionary  ...

A colleuge of mine once said to me, "No matter how you cut the salami, its still the same salami." Most revolutions cut the salami in different slices, but what they deal out is the same - adjustments to consumerism and comforts, and redirection of aggression, not its elimination. that explains why revolutions go wrong. the ideals are fine, but they can never flower because they are hijacked by the ego.

I notice my own aggression when I'm standing impatiently nin a queue, or pleading with a beaurocrat, or irritated with those who cross me. most people are astonished by the strength of their negative feelings, and I'm no exception.

I don't tink you can bring peace to the world outside unless you have acheived some peace within. The former cannot wait for the latter, but it is essential that both activities go along at the same time. It is easy to think you are dealing with the cosmos, when you are only projecting onto it your childhood hangups, a humiliating but necessary thought."

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