FB Discussions - Parenting and Nationalisim

Aparna Krishnan

September 21, 2015 at 12:07pm ·

Long ago, maybe ten years ago, I had a brief conversation with a friend settled abroad when she came to the village. I asked her if she did not feel that her child would be far better off if in India, than if brought up abroad. She was clear that USA was the best for the child, as opportunities were more, educational as well as career avenues, health care and life standard and all else.
I had no doubts that India was the best I could offer my child as here she could understand the country, and the problems herein. To bring up a sensitive child, capable of understanding and sharing would to me be a parent's duty, rather than help the child towards a well paying job, and some material comforts.
I sometimes wonder if I am in the minority ...

 

Gyan Mitra Minority report

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 12:18pm

Chitra Sharan You are a minority Aparna ... The lure of material things is very difficult to resist for a lot of people.. On a related stuff, Geetha who helps me , was reminiscing about village life saying the milk tasted better, how she ate butter in cups and not in spoon, the cleaning of front yard in the morning and evening and the Kolam there without missing a single day, how she was used to eating only fresh cooked food ( her mother calls the fridge kuduthotti ), the mud lamp getting lit and many other instances - she ended it finally with a sentence - but don't ask me to go back. I can't adjust there. When I asked why, she says she is able to buy and use many "things" here and she feels superior and modern compared to the village folks.

Like · Reply · 6 · September 21, 2015 at 12:41pm

 

Louis George Yeah, we're in the minority.
We returned to India when we found out that we were going to have our first child.
So, so happy that we did.

 

Ekta Agarwal You are definitely not a minority especially where bringing up kids is concerned. Seen lots of folks return to India when their kids had started growing up with plans to bring them up here. Many have stayed, quite a few have returned back but mostly due to other "adjustment" issues. I know very few people who actually wanted to bring up their kids in US, and considering that I am from the IT community, where almost everybody has had a go at settling abroad, that is saying a lot. :) Also, like as much we want to judge people, not everybody desires only material comforts but also a certain peace of mind, sustainable livelihood as you call it maybe another name for it, and tries to search for it in their own way. Over last 6 months, I have started thinking if there is merit in stop being a nationalist and being just a human first. Humanity seems to have got smothered everywhere in all our talks. Sometimes, discussions are also suffocating, just easier to run away and spend time in wilderness.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 2:49pm

Aparna Krishnan not 'nationalisim', when one belongs to the elite in a poor country, one's ofirst debt is there. it is a real debt, and not notional. and certianly not just monetary, where you can return money+interest !

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 3:18pm

Aparna Krishnan as to 'judgeing' - well, we need to collectively search right and wrong, and act on it as far as courage permits. These are often objective, and not subjective truths.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 3:19pm

Ekta Agarwal Agree on the debt which the elite in a poor country have. It is just that we may not be aware of what the other person is already doing or trying to do, and sometimes strong words hurt. :)

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 3:22pm

Aparna Krishnan hurt more deeply than my village people are hurt today ? when a mother sells away every drop of milk despite that her undernourished child needs it ? and what we are doing - lets face it - is sharing a little of our excess only ! the time for niceities is past. we all need to see our face in the mirror, and if we dont like what we see ... well, its upto us to wash our faces, or break the mirror.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 4:01pm

Aparna Krishnan I'm sorry if I sound inconsiderate - but I am seeing reality ver clearly. And trying to communicate it. Thats all.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 4:02pm

Ekta Agarwal :) Was not talking of myself here, and I do know what you mean but just talking or discussing about it on facebook will not change things. Action is needed on the ground, and a lot of people do try, some a little successful others not much so. As I mentioned on the other thread, systemic measures like crop insurance, etc is needed, and we need to start working towards that.

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 4:05pm

Aparna Krishnan i was also not talking of you or of me - in general only. yes, the political pressures and movements are going on, and we need to join in those political processes as far as we can. Also, in a personal capacity to keep trying to give as much as heart permits.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 4:06pm

Ekta Agarwal Agree!

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 4:07pm

Ekta Agarwal You do not sound inconsiderate at all, not to me, but I think for those who are really trying hard on the ground, and have seen their efforts come to nought, and made some decisions even if they did not want to, it may hurt.

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 4:11pm

Aparna Krishnan well, those people are made of sterner stuff, dont worry. those who have staked something, and burned some boats, have a deep inner anchor. they face up to their compromises squarely, maybe with some wryness - but there is the confidence of having acted by one's concsience when one did.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 4:14pm

Mohanakrishnan Gopalakrishnan Probably in a minority but not any worse for it

Like · Reply · September 21, 2015 at 3:43pm

Aparna Krishnan oh, i've had a good life. certianly none the worse for it ! but the country will be the worse for it, if this a minority view, and thats the angst ...Mohanakrishnan Gopalakrishnan

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 3:59pm · Edited

Aparna Krishnan why i asked is that somehow my own circle starting from my days at narmada, to uma-naren in the village, to girija-mukundan at the clinic, to my husband, to all the many friends of similar thinking down the years have largely been of the same thought ... and i have been busy in this non typical circle. not very sure of the 'outside' opinion.

Like · Reply · 1 · September 21, 2015 at 3:58pm

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Palanivelu Rangasamy Once I was having a casual chat with a friend of mine. He said, 'Velu, you know, the best place for an Indian sociologist to work is India alone.' I asked, How do you arrive at that conclusion?' My friend continued, 'As you know, our society is ridden with issues. That gives you ample opportunity to do a fruitful job either from a nationalist perspective or as a responsible sociologist. If you are a real nationalist, the problems of your country should move you deeply. In the same manner, if you want to be a realy useful sociologist, use your sociological imaginations for the betterment of this society. If you are motivated by anything other than these two perspectives, then it is a pure sign of selfishness.' The same logic can be extended to parenting too. As Indians, having our cultural mooring in this soil, we have the responsibility of putting our children in terms with the social reality of our country, so that they will become responsible citizens in future. All other explanations have in-built selfishness.

Unlike · Reply · 3 · September 21, 2015 at 3:55pm

Aparna Krishnan Our duty, yes. But children are shaped by the larger society around also, and they have their own prarabdha karma. But the teachings at home, in word and deed, is our responsibility. And our own choices are what communicate most clearly to them.

Like · Reply · 3 · September 21, 2015 at 4:03pm

Palanivelu Rangasamy Aparna, I do understand that there are many forces beyond our parenting limits. Let us perform perfectly whatever is possible from our side. Even Karma can be neutralised by our meticulous effort to make the present flawless.

Unlike · Reply · 3 · September 21, 2015 at 4:12pm

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